Love your Mama body

There is no doubt that we live in a society where beauty and body image are laid out with unrealistically strict guidelines. I'm pretty sure that my body never did fit these guidelines even at my thinnest self. I have always been pretty comfortable with that though. Of course after getting pregnant, my already curvy body got bigger. At this point I have decided that I want to lose some weight and get a little tighter again. For the first time in my life really, I am setting out to change the way I look. As I begin this process, I want to honor my body for all of the wonderful things it has done, not just for me, but for my family. I actually carried a healthy baby for 40 weeks, and pushed him out of me safely after several days of labor. After my son was born I nurtured his needs for sustenance again, with my own body and I continued to help him grow and create the various systems of his body including building a brain, and healthy immune system. It is really quite magnificent.
A lot of women find shame in their post-partum bodies and especially with stretch marks. Just because you no longer fit into the stringent view of a singular beauty defined mostly by the media, don't forget to be thankful for the amazing feat that your body has performed for you and yours.

Bonnie Crowder decided to create the website
The Shape Of A Mother
The website is a journal and photo gallery of women and their pregnant and post-partum bodies. I think we sometimes forget what real women really look like. Even as adult women and Mothers we see so many false body images on TV and in magazines of actresses and models that have babies and "bounce right back". It can be easy for the regular gals to feel ashamed of themselves for not having the same results. Before you set out to try and hide the fact that your body has gone through this amazing rite of passage, be grateful for all that your body has done for you, what ever that might be.

Finding 'YES'

Our 15 month old now loves to shake his head "No". He has not yet taken to saying the actual word, surprisingly since it is an easy one. He thinks it is funny and whenever I ask him not to do something, even if I don't use the actual word "No" I now realize that I shake my head this way. Sometimes I think that our kids are just mirrors of ourselves-scary!
The other day at the dog park another mama asked him, "where is your nose?", and he shook his head "No". It is quite cute as he smiles a sly smile and shakes his head but it makes me realize how often we use "No" even though I have made an effort to say things like "leave it", or "please don't", they are still in the negative. I have been cautious about using "No" for the everyday and saving it for the more important "absolutely not" applications. Aside from this, I am starting to notice how little "Yes" there is in our day. I certainly don't want to raise our child in a negative environment. I want for him to see a world of endless possibilities limited only by his own imagination. My new goal for myself is to find new ways of saying 'YES'.



photo courtesy of Paleontour on flickr

Why don't friends with kids have time?

A friend of mine sent me this article a while back and I thought it would be great to share here. It seems that before you have children of your own, you really can not understand the challenges this role presents.


'Why don't friends with kids have time?'

CAROLYN HAX: TELL ME ALL ABOUT IT
WASHINGTON POST
Thursday, May 24, 2007

Dear Carolyn: Best friend has child. Her: exhausted, busy, no time for self, no time for me, etc.
Me (no kids): What'd you do today?
Her: Park, play group ...

OK. I've talked to parents. I don't get it. What do stay-at-home moms do all day? Please no lists of library, grocery store, dry cleaners ... I do all those things, too. I guess what I'm asking is: What is a typical day and why don't moms have time for a call or e-mail? I work and am away from home nine hours a day (plus a few late work events); I manage to get it all done. I'm feeling like the kid is an excuse to relax and enjoy, but if so, why won't my friend tell me the truth? Is this a contest ("my life is so much harder than yours")? What's the deal? I've got friends with and without kids and all us child-free folks have the same questions.
— Tacoma, Wash.

Dear Tacoma: Relax and enjoy. You're funny. Or, you're lying about having friends with kids. Or you're taking them at their word that they actually have kids, because you haven't personally been in the same room with them. I keep wavering between giving you a straight answer and giving my forehead some keyboard. To claim you want to understand, while in the same breath implying that the only logical conclusions are that your mom-friends are either lying or competing with you, is disingenuous indeed. So, because it's validation you seem to want, the real answer is what you get. When you have young kids, your typical day is: constant attention, from getting them out of bed, fed, cleaned, dressed; to keeping them out of harm's way; to answering their coos, cries, questions; to having two arms and carrying one kid, one set of car keys, and supplies for even the quickest trips, including the latest-to-be-declared-essential piece of molded plastic gear; to keeping them from unshelving books at the library; to enforcing rest times; to staying one step ahead of them lest they get too hungry, tired or bored, any one of which produces checkout-line screaming. It's needing 45 minutes to do what takes others 15. It's constant vigilance, constant touch, constant use of your voice, constant relegation of your needs to the second tier. It's constant scrutiny and second-guessing from family and friends. It's resisting constant temptation to seek short-term relief at everyone's long-term expense. It's doing all this while concurrently teaching virtually everything — language, manners, safety, resourcefulness, discipline, curiosity, creativity. Empathy. Everything. It's also a choice, yes. And a joy. But if you spent all day, every day, with this brand of joy, and then, when you got your first 10 minutes to yourself, wanted to be alone with your thoughts instead of calling a good friend, a good friend wouldn't judge you, complain about you or marvel how much more productively she uses her time. Either make a sincere effort to understand, or keep your snit to yourself.


For me, the clincher that Carolyn Hax boils down so concisely is, "It's resisting constant temptation to seek short-term relief at everyone's long-term expense."

Brand New Second Hand

Have you tried swaptree yet? I discovered this cool and FREE service a few months ago while searching for a book.
After the quick sign-up, you can list all of the items (books, dvd's, games, and cd's) that you want, and then list all of the things that you have for trade. Swaptree will do the rest...for free! I traded a DVD I no longer wanted for a new book title I had been itching to read. Swaptree makes it easy to ship out too, by giving you a printable postage label and you can then just drop the item in a blue box. You don't have to use this system though, and they do charge you a small fee for it. I didn't realize that you didn't have to use their labels at first, but it is a lot more convenient than standing through a long line at the post office with a toddler in tow! Another inside tip is, you shouldn't list something that you aren't 100% ready to trade. I turned down a trade and was warned that too many of these could affect my user rating.
I love the idea of this service and it's green aspect as well. Then again, I do love all things second hand, well there are a few exceptions.

Praise Song For The Day

Just one more President Obama related post. I so loved the inaugural poem recited by Elizabeth Alexander I had to see it again and so I figured I would post it here.


Praise song for the day.

Each day we go about our business, walking past each other, catching each others' eyes or not, about to speak or speaking. All about us is noise. All about us is noise and bramble, thorn and din, each one of our ancestors on our tongues. Someone is stitching up a hem, darning a hole in a uniform, patching a tire, repairing the things in need of repair.

Someone is trying to make music somewhere with a pair of wooden spoons on an oil drum with cello, boom box, harmonica, voice.

A woman and her son wait for the bus.

A farmer considers the changing sky; A teacher says, "Take out your pencils. Begin."

We encounter each other in words, words spiny or smooth, whispered or declaimed; words to consider, reconsider.

We cross dirt roads and highways that mark the will of someone and then others who said, "I need to see what's on the other side; I know there's something better down the road."

We need to find a place where we are safe; We walk into that which we cannot yet see.

Say it plain, that many have died for this day. Sing the names of the dead who brought us here, who laid the train tracks, raised the bridges, picked the cotton and the lettuce, built brick by brick the glittering edifices they would then keep clean and work inside of.

Praise song for struggle; praise song for the day. Praise song for every hand-lettered sign; The figuring it out at kitchen tables.

Some live by "Love thy neighbor as thy self."

Others by first do no harm, or take no more than you need.

What if the mightiest word is love, love beyond marital, filial, national. Love that casts a widening pool of light. Love with no need to preempt grievance.

In today's sharp sparkle, this winter air, anything can be made, any sentence begun.

On the brink, on the brim, on the cusp -- praise song for walking forward in that light.

-Elizabeth Alexander

A New Day

In President Obama's Inaugural Address today he said, "On this day, we gather because we have chosen hope over fear, unity of purpose over conflict and discord.". It is that hope that seems to be ringing in the hearts of many Americans. Never before has there been such a unity in optimism. It is that collective feeling of the possibilities of the future that I marvel at today.



I had to link this Will.i.am video, my toddler loves it and can't resist dancing when it is on.
It's a New Day

The Dream, At Last Realized

In 24 hours we will have our first African American as the President of the United States. I am thankful and proud that my son will grow up this new America. We may have some distance to go yet until King's dream is truly reality, but I am joyful to see this change that so many gave their lives for.



*My Favorite Dr. King Quote*


Peace is not merely a distant goal that we seek,
but a means by which we arrive at that goal.
We must pursue peaceful ends through peaceful means.

-Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Be Kind To Yourself

Some days, I lose my confidence in the choices I have made as a mama. For no reason, I question all of my 'momstincts' wondering how I might have done better. I am definitely my own worst critic. I think that this harsh self scrutiny is a symptom of a bigger issue. When you are the giver, it is easy to give so much to everyone else around that there is nothing left for yourself. Recognize this for what it is.
Be compassionate, to yourself too.



THAT LIVES IN US

If you put your hands on this oar with me,
they will never harm another, and they will come to find
they hold everything you want.

If you put your hands on this oar with me, they would no longer
lift anything to your
mouth that might wound your precious land –
that sacred earth that is your body.

If you put your soul against this oar with me,
the power that made the universe will enter your sinew
from a source not outside your limbs, but from a holy realm
that lives in us.

Exuberant is existence, time a husk.
When the moment cracks open, ecstasy leaps out and devours space;
love goes mad with the blessings, like my words give.

Why lay yourself on the torturer's rack of the past and the future?
The mind that tries to shape tomorrow beyond its capacities
will find no rest.

Be kind to yourself, dear – to our innocent follies.
Forget any sounds or touch you knew that did not help you dance.
You will come to see that all evolves us.

~ Rumi ~

Breastfeeding Mothers Need Support

The numbers of mamas who start out breastfeeding their little ones is at an all time high. The CDC reported in May of 2008 that a whopping 77% of new moms were initiating breastfeeding after the birth of their child. We now know that there is nothing that can even come close to the value of breast milk for infants. Why then are the numbers significantly lower when it comes to exclusively breastfeeding past the three month mark? I believe that this drop indicates that we are not supporting our new mamas enough as a society. Often, it is at the 12 week mark that American women must return to work in order to keep their job. Often times our families; Husbands, Mothers, Grandmothers, or Mother-in-Laws encourage women to quit breastfeeding. Without support, we find it is extremely difficult for women to continue with their plan to nurture their children by means of nature-given sustenance.
A lot of women have trouble in hospitals with the interference of well-meaning medical professionals. They are given poor advice to supplement their breastfeeding with infant formula. I have known a number of women who tried this route and eventually couldn't keep their supply going enough to continue to breastfeed. I am extremely thankful for my midwives, who taught me about the supply and demand system of breastfeeding. I was shocked at how often my son wanted to feed in the beginning. I was afraid that he might not be getting enough to eat. My midwife assured me that this is the way in which babies create the supply they need. Had I supplemented with formula at this crucial time, I may have hurt my chances of establishing a good supply and would have been battling the very thing that I feared, a low supply. In researching this post, I found that there is very little information out there for mamas who want to return to exclusive breastfeeding after supplementing.
A few tips I did find are:

*Keep track of how much formula you are supplementing for a few days in a journal or a note right on the fridge. Then, go on a breastfeeding mission, curl up in bed with your baby (and some dvds) one weekend and breastfeed as much as possible. After you have encouraged your little one to feed more, try cutting the formula you supplement by one ounce. This slow process should allow you to catch up with your supply without leaving your baby hungry.

*Another good tool is baby-wearing. Keeping the little one close to the bosom in a baby sling might remind her to eat and stimulate you to produce.

*Pump after your baby is finished with the breast. You can then fully drain both breasts to increase your supply, and also you will have some breast milk to bottle feed later in place of the formula.

*Be aware of the support available to you.
Find your local La Leche League
Often times, if you have health insurance, it will cover the assistance of a lactation consultant.


Is your pediatrician breastfeeding friendly? If so, they should be supportive of you working to unwean your little one. If not, maybe look for one who will be.
If through all of this you find that with your work schedule, or other conflicts you can't unwean your baby, don't hate yourself. Do the best you can to nurture yourself as a mother too. Sometimes, stress can be the biggest obstacle to breastfeeding.

Here is a list of those breastfeeding friendly, or lactogenic foods you can include in your diet:

Oatmeal-a healthy way to start your day and kick in those mammaries!

Fenugreek- an herb that can be taken or in tea form that you can drink

Quinoa- see my last post to see how remarkable this supergrain is

Omega 3 fatty acids- don't forget these beneficial fats! we need them even more while breastfeeding. They are also essential in the building of the brain and nervous system. If you don't want to take a supplement like fish oil or flax seed oil, eat salmon a couple of days each week. Salmon doesn't have a lot of mercury, but it is super rich in Omega 3's.

Water- often we overlook how dehydrated we really are. You must have enough water to make milk.

Not a food, but try to get as much rest as possible. It can be super hard for mama's to get enough sleep and I find that my stress levels are directly related to sleep deprivation. If you can't get enough sleep, try to at least rest and maybe some deep breathing or meditation.

More Links:
Supply and Demand an article

Starting Over an article

Le Leche League International

kellymom



photo credit: brynhild - norse mythology, valkyrie
by Birgit Amadori www.breastfeeding-art.com

Breakfast of Incan Warriors

Have you tried Quinoa (keen-wa) yet? This ancient supergrain was referred to as the 'Mother Grain' and held sacred by the Incan people.
I have been hearing about how nutritionally good Quinoa is but had not tried it until recently. After some research, I was totally blown away by the health benefits this wonderful food has to offer. Not only is Quinoa a complex carbohydrate, it offers an amazing source of protein (all nine amino acids), iron, and several vitamins and minerals including magnesium. Quinoa is one of those lactogenic foods so aside from all of the other healthy benefits, it can help with breastfeeding. Quinoa is also gluten-free and has a low glycemic index. I wish that I had tried quinoa when I was pregnant, it seemed so difficult to find healthy sources of the protein and iron that I needed.
I have started eating Quinoa as a breakfast cereal with hazelnut milk (you could substitute almond or soy), unsweetened coconut flakes, blueberries, hazelnuts, a little agave syrup (you could also use maple) and fresh ground nutmeg. It is quite lovely and a great way to start the day. My toddler hasn't yet taken to eating it, probably a texture thing. I just mix it into his oatmeal for an added benefit. I'd love to hear feedback from anyone who is also enjoying this amazing ancient food.

For a great detailed breakdown of Quinoa's amazing benefits check out:
http://www.whfoods.com/

Current Favorite

Can You Imagine?

For example, what the trees do
not only in lightening storms
or the watery dark of a summer's night
or under the white nets of winter
but now, and now, and now - whenever
we're not looking. Surely you can't imagine
they don't dance, from the root up, wishing
to travel a little, not cramped so much as wanting
a better view, or more sun, or just as avidly
more shade - surely you can't imagine they just
stand there loving every minute of it,
the birds or the emptiness, the dark rings
of the years slowly and without a sound
thickening, and nothing different unless the wind,
and then only in its own mood, comes
to visit, surely you can't imagine
patience, and happiness, like that.

~ Mary Oliver ~

How Clean Is Your Soap?

Before I became pregnant, I didn't give a lot of thought to the things I put into my body. I knew certain things were not good for me, but I must admit that I didn't really ever think about the eventual consequences. I knew that organic food was a better route for my body and the planet, but I never considered committing to eating only organic. Once I started building a new human inside myself it was like the blinders came off. I could suddenly see the dangers everywhere. After my son was born and I started breastfeeding, my awareness rose again. I am not advocating living a paranoid life rooted in fear. As with everything, we do need balance. Beside the air we breathe, water and foods we ingest there is another way that we assimilate toxins into our bodies and that is through our largest organ, the skin. There is a lot of controversy right now about parabens and other additives contained in skin care and beauty products. There are many who claim that parabens not only contribute to cancer but also disrupt hormonal balance. Of course the FDA does not recognize these claims...for now. The great thing is, for those of us who wish to avoid these risks, there has been a resurgence of handmade products on the market. Just like the artisan breads and locally grown produce that we love, we can now find wonderful body care products to nurture our skin. My favorite is Nakee' Natural. These products are made with such loving care from the best ingredients and you can feel it in your skin when you use them. To me, actually feeling the physical difference in my own body is the real test.

If you are concerned about what is on the shelves of your bathroom cabinet, a great resource is the Skin Deep database. You can search for skin care and beauty products and also see what kind of chemicals are contained in the products you are currently using.

Going G

Did you know that it can take a disposable diaper 500 years to break down in a landfill? Just imagine how many tons of this waste alone is dumped every year. It is somewhere around 3.5 million tons in just the US! A lot of families are now looking for alternatives to this gluttonous system. Some are switching to a washable cloth diapering system. Did you know that there is yet another option when it comes to diapering your little one's bum? When our son was born we wanted to use cloth and we did part time, but could never fully manage all that goes along with re-usable diapers. My hat is off to all of you mama's who manage this, some of you with multiple babies in dipes! Last year we discovered a more environmentally responsible diapering option than throwing diapers in a landfill, G-diapers. They have turned out to be a good choice for us. I must admit the real reason I finally gave G's a try, was that Seventh Gerneration suddenly made their diapers smaller and I got stuck with a whole case of diapers that didn't fit my son. After contacting 7th Gen, they basically told me 'too bad'. I thought that was a pretty horrible thing for them to do to their customers. It basically forced everyone to move up a size, and therefore get less diapers for the money. One of those sneaky tactics companies use when they don't want to be honest and just raise the price. But on the positive side, I finally took the plunge and gave the G-diaper a try. With the G, you basically have a cloth outer with a disposable liner. The kicker is that the liner can be flushed down the toilet, or actually composted in your garden (the pee ones only). Even if you do have a really scary poop or for some reason decide you can't flush or compost, you can throw the liner away and it will break down in, get this, 50-150 DAYS! I hear some folks saying that the water it takes to flush them makes them bad for the environment, but to me that is like arguing for disposable clothing. So until we all are using composting toilets, we are flushing our waste for now- but that is another post. For our family they have been wonderful, I won't say that they never leak, but I do think that can be a problem of any diaper type. They have a really terrific website with a lot more information, so check it out www.gdiapers.com
I would love to hear some feedback about your diapering experiences- good or bad.

Renewal Through Inspiration

in-spi-ra-tion (in-spuh-rey-shuhn)
–noun
1. an inspiring or animating action or influence.
2. something inspired, as an idea.
3. a result of inspired activity.
4. a thing or person that inspires.
5. Theology.
a. a divine influence directly and immediately exerted upon the mind or soul.
b. the divine quality of the writings or words of a person so influenced.
6. the drawing of air into the lungs; inhalation.

As we enter another new year, it is a time when we like to review and think about the changes we would like to make in our lives. This year though, I notice that there is a lot of talk about moving away from setting unattainable lofty goals, and instead seriously embracing ourselves as we currently are in order to create the very best version of this authentic person. Embracing change for the best as an ongoing evolution as apposed to a single yearly act. In my Yoga class last night our instructor talked about this kind of change, and not waiting for the flip of the calendar to make new. Each breath we take is an opportunity for renewal. As we breathe, we literally change over the gasses in our lungs, exchanging that which is no longer needed for that which is. As a mama, this approach really resonated with me. Sometimes stressors like sleep deprivation and busy schedules get us down and we feel ourselves slipping away. Renewal can be as simple as stopping, taking a breath, and starting over in the present moment. We often approach a new beginning by waiting to start next week, month, or year. I love the concept of constant renewal through inspiration.

Moonday's Child has a Blog!

After some prompting from my lovely friend over at Pink-Heels, I have decided to start a blog.

When I became pregnant with my son, I became obsessed with information on natural pregnancy, birth, and now mothering. I hope to share some of the knowledge I gained along the way and hopefully, I will be able to add something valuable for those seeking information on their own journey.

My favorite resource of all is http://www.mothering.com/ check it out for wonderful, and inspiring articles on all things concious parenting.